Epochalypse

Retired ...

2007-11-22T12:54:00.001+08:00

retired ...

And the artworld saddens. Hildebrant, Tim

2006-06-14T10:32:00.000+08:00

One of the greats,
One of the fantasy muses,
One of my personal art heores,
Master illustrator and imagineer.

Tim Hildebrant
June 11th 2006.

He got me started into what Ido. Though I loved reading fantasy/sci-fi books and was always awed by the art on the covers - The Hildebrant brothers often came out with small shorts or how they did they're work. It gave me an insights into what I came to love as a lifelong expression. They (Hildebrant brothers) made me feel like I could do those wonderful things as well. Bring magic alive like those images could evoke. I could do it too.

I know, I should update these blogs more - and probably with stuff that may or may not happen. Stuff like joining what-nots and so-nots competitions and trying out for thatrecial acting. But yes, its something as shattering as this thats gets me posting. Funny aint it.

I think he's gone, but when I look around my room and see his wonderful work and art, perhaps he's never really leave. But yea, I'm fucking sad too.
Shit! I'm almost crying but I cant coz I leave for work soon. But I'm bloody sure he'll always be dear and great - to me and everyone else in his highest esteem (peers and fans alike). 47 years ... I should be so lucky to be able to follow in his stead one day.

Thank you.

Hildebrant works: (stuff like 70s Tolkien art, the original Star Wars posters, etc).
(All following are the property and works of Hildebrant Brothers, I'm just showing the world what they did for those who loved them and those yet to discover their magic)

And the day moves on.

2006-05-18T10:12:00.000+08:00

So what was covered last.

Oh yea, the fact that I have not done any of those art sketches from the previous update. For a reminder, I'll post them again lest I forget.

Hmm, besides waiting for the Oral Stage auditions, it seems that on the 28th MAY Sunday- Armada Hotel, PJ, FLY FM is having its FLYDOL. A radio Dee-Jock audition I believe. Its between 1 - 5 pm. Oh heck, I'll try that too. I've tried everything else this year (LOL)!

On the other hand, I'm loving Ian.
There, I hope this embarasses him, the closet case (muaks!)

---
1. Finish some Artwork for MuscleGrowth forumites.

2. Finish some Tarot Cards for a online person.

3. Do some webcomics (quick and dirty - sigh) for GBspot OR writing articles!

4. Keep track of sign-ups like for Silversoft group

Catching up on the Line

2006-05-12T12:44:00.000+08:00

I have to go this ... "refresh and restart" thing about myself every now and then.

Its like when I get something going - its difficult enough to maintain because life and (groan!) gets in the way. Often enough and recently enough, its work. All about work. Bah ...

There's a tonnage of back log- backdated ideas, concepts, art and shit shit shit ! I'm so upset with myself sometimes. Even keeping this blog is becoming erratic enbough.

Ok, so I got this list of things to do.

Perhaps exclaiming out into cyberspace will help.

1. Finish some Artwork for MuscleGrowth forumites.

2. Finish some Tarot Cards for a online person.

3. Do some webcomics (quick and dirty - sigh) for GBspot OR writing articles!

4. Keep track of sign-ups like for Silversoft group

Of course, to try and revive some semblance of life.
I tried out for some *ahem* - media auditions, for a ... wlel thats old news anwyays.

New news:-
I've contacted several groups for local theatre, hopefully none too professional.
In fact, one in particular is a smattering and collection of amatuers who seem to be making a name for themselves.

The Oral Stage has a couple of things lined up ... perhaps I'll be able to participate. Practically a virgin in these circumstances, I'm always willing to try nonetheless.

Well ,thats the short and sweet of stuff.

Oh yea,
last month - bad month. relatives fell ill, my car broek down twice, i got bumpered twice and at the end someone broke into my car smashing my back window and stole ... well nothing valuable cash-wuse. But several months of RPG-work and conceps in my sling bad and a jacket. Again old news ... cant dwell on that.

JItters and Photo Virgins

2006-03-14T15:12:00.000+08:00

First off
IMAGES

I just got a whole bunch of piccies taken (WOOT!), I've never had this many piccies of me taken so recently and in a single week! I went for a short thingie (farewell) at Social (Bangsar) - Kristin's friend, Maxine was flying to SIA training in SingSing the next day.

Then I accompanied Kristin the next night at Starbucks and we snapped cellphone snappies at the carpark :p

Hope I get to see them and .. *ahem* prettify them soon!

WOOT!

GUYS

I'm pretty sure there's still a lot of single guys out there I might like to meet. But instead of waiting coz I never know - should do something, right? At least something thats more than just sitting around wondering if there's anyone whos interested in me that I find attractive. Screw that!

I'm gonna ask Zam out on a date (MUAHAHAHA) .... as soon as I can afford it next month. :p

Just a simple dinner date, though it has been long since I've been on one. (sigh)

Wish me luck ...

Friday Faust!

2006-03-07T11:12:00.000+08:00

Read all about it in Barry's Blog.
Friday Faust!

Duh-rama!

.

Day of Birth celebrations and aftermath.

2006-02-27T11:07:00.000+08:00

So the party pics are coming a little late.
I'm actually waiting on the pics for Marc's party in December and Zam's pics early this month (Feb). Azri is still a hottie - althos Zam is just as delicious! Ezra is definitely not too far behind - in fact relatively close to the other two in my impossibly-wanting-to-sleep-with list.

Overall my weekend was uhmm, mixed.

Friday:
I did my EPF. I was impressed at the efficiency of this particualr government matters of handling EPf and stuff. It was quick, painless and effificient. I accompanied a friend (Kristin) to a straight bar in Bangsar for a friends birthday gathering in 'Social' and to check out a guy she's been crushing on. Not bad a guy, at first nothing to look at - but when I began talking to him, I was impressed ... and attracted myself (LOL) :D Boy, was there a lot of str8 guys there I'd sleep with!

Saturday:
Had a game - ran for a couple of hours. Cutie str8 - ex-player Darrian dropped by. Got thoroughly bored at night and drove about and ended up at Kristin's talking about exp the night before. At midnight, I got a call from my ex, wishing me a happy birthday. I was ... feeling mixed.
I loved hearing from him, and it only reminds me of how much I miss him, tho' I am still sore that he put me through heck just to have me do the break-up routine only to date someone else in about a week after our 'official' word. ARgh!
I can only reassure myself constantly by saying its all in the past and that I'm so much better of just letting it go. Bygones.

Sun: Yea, it was my birthday. Personally uneventful and for the most part unnoticed especially by my new White Wolf 'Demon' group. Of which I ran their first game - adequately well today. Character creation for half of them and a full prelude was completed. Short but enough - since I was already beginning to suffer from a light migraine.
I must admit to being somewhat annoyed I was called by Yee Von to fetch her from the house 15 minutes before the game began. I wouldn't have minded at all if she had told me the night before that she *might* need a ride or if she informed me befire I made my morning errands.
Night - early as it was, I was tapped out. Perhaps it was the conflicting emotional state brought on my the familiar uninspiring (as always every year) birthday. Perhaps it was the trial of going through 2 new game sessions (campaigns: one with veteran players and the other with new players). Whatever it was, I missed watching Oprah's interview on the stars Heath and Jake on the movie Brokeback Mountains which I was waiting to see.
The phenomonen of Brokeback M. intrigued me. You can find it on and all over the net; the reactions of the fans of Ang Lee's latest work.

A personal latest pic of mine taken .. early Feb 2006.

Space Reserved
My hot new co-worker! Keith!

ps: I've decided since no one reads this damn blog - i'm posting every single un-PC thought in my head - names and ALL!

Parties and Games (RPGs and Slosh)

2006-02-21T10:25:00.000+08:00

Its been a long time since I've been to a slosh party. Much less a gay one.
I'll try and see if I can ask for peek previews digi-shots of the night.

The invitation was from Zam (yummy!) and it was a welcome event to my otherwise dreary-packed nights. Of course everyone would be new to me, having only known some as acquaintances and really only getting to know a few of them recently.

Let's recap.
Zam, Ray, Ezra, Azri, Vince, me, Taufiq, Aaron, Ezras (str8) cousin, Barry, and 2 estrogen making machines - Sonia + Caroline (who I have not seen for ages!). ... and the alcohol of course.

Now Caroline was someone I knew about 4 - 5 years ago from college, and we've lost contact. We weren't fast friends but we did share a mutual set of friends now and there. It was a small-world-kinda-pleasant surprise meet. On the whole, she was high on alcohol - then again, who wasn't at the party.

Ah, nostalgic. All the drama, hype, make-out (phew! heavy handed) sessions; even the single str8 guy was getting some action!. So I kinda felt left out of the loop of things. I had little with the connection of the group and its personal dynamics and histories.But it was still a fun, welcome experience. ... and Azri is gorgeous!
and all in some out of the way, valley-hill in the middle of no-mans land out-on-the-patio on rugs with snack-and-booze scenarios - sigh.

Let do it again!

---

I started my campaign (rpg) game last Saturday. I really hope to turn it into another long running campaign again and make it consistent. It seems like a good time to have something like that.

Its a slightly altered system.
I did not want to intriduce too many new concepts and rules that strayed from DnD 3.5. It familiar to my players and I know most wouldnt want to do extra nnumber crunching or learn too many new things. Its simply not the group play style. It should be rules-light and casual extensive - but of course with real flavour and solid mechanics.

Took me a break of about 10 months or so to finally get to where I'm confortable with what I've set my players. Some simplified numbers, easier levelling- more customization, more dynamic rolling and some more based numbers rather than an entirely whole random set of rolls (time save).

I think it'll be ok, but only time will tell
I hope they like it.

Hiatus Interrupted

2006-02-15T11:39:00.000+08:00

Vehicle
My car’s front left bumper got smashed in and the hood slightly bent from … who knows what! It was a hit and run. I was at work and one of my colleagues (I often drop them off at the station on our way home from work), noticed the ryuinous condition as I turned out between two cars. A car prior to mine must have had a run-in with my Stationary Car.

Sigh – there’s goes license plate.

Job
While not paying as satisfyingly high as I’d like (which never does – and if you do, shut up), I’m made some hiccups in the last two days. I screwed up on two FA’s. If youre a designer or in publishing (?), you’d know what I mean. Even the printers got it too late and made films for it. At least the plates weren’t made yet but its still bad enough.

Gym
Got too messed up and PO’ed about the car and work that I had a pretty good workout the last few days. I may be just starting out and can barely see what difference it makes, but I got good pointers the past week in the gym and I enjoyed the physical exertion. In all honesty, it was fueled by frustration for the extra little push. Its also nice to see a number of regulars start to improve as well – I’m hoping I seem that way as well.

I’ve got to make a blog about my exercise just so, … I don’t know, more self encouragement or perhaps something consistent to get me more up to speed about working out.

Creativity
I have not drawn, illustrated anything in the past few months. This is bad. I’ve not even written anything either. I’m creativity is rotting slowly to mundaneity.

I’ve decided – I gotta, be more aggressive to pursue and maintain anything artistic left in this brain of mine.

It may not be common knowledge, but working as a designer really depends on you environment and work itself. I’m a graphic designer and designing client based brochures, pamphlets, leaflets, posters and stuff does NOT encourage creativity, unless you a high position or something in a high-end international company. But even then, you are driven to produce good “Marketable” work. There’s little to no personal derivation of personal pleasure and inspiration poured into it.

Must make time out for it.
Regardless, no matter, whatever!

Life
Realizing that someone you still care for (an ex) has a fatal condition puts things closer to home. I don’t find myself re-evaluating goals but I do begin to consider more things. Perhaps letting go more so. Permitting less stress into my decisions, learning to just accept that some things and people cant change and I cant change them. Understanding that everyone and everything moves in different paths and though things do leave a bitter taste, it helps to know that it can move on.

Letting others think less of me, shouldn’t be any concern but what I think of myself should begin to take a greater precedence.

Finally, I should sleep around more often.
(I'd start with Cyclops from X-Men)

Any takers ?

Music Short Shots

2006-01-17T11:22:00.000+08:00

Music

I really really wanna get the Lo Millions! CD
Been listening to Adam Cohen since his solo albums, long before anyone has even heard of him in this country 'o mine! I've been spreading the good voice since then and now with Lo Millions - they shall ALL KNOW!

Also want Hoobastank.
Coz the music is hot and the lead singer is hunkalicious.

Loving the BSB 'Crawling back to you' - very very ... personal for me.
Alanis Morrisette! Yea! - Crazy cover is Fa-Bu-Lous!
Grudingly, tho' I'm no Lohan Fan; Confessions of a Broken Heart is ... divine!
No seriously. I don't really like her, her promo or anything but I love the song!

Dramatism and Guys

2006-01-16T11:59:00.000+08:00

Generic Rambling

Like all things in life - mundaneity starts to settle in at some point.

All motion seems to grind to a slow agonizing halt. Its still moving but so slowly, its rather seems like a death masque. Death ... getting rather familiar as well. But I shan't delight this entry with some wonderfully morbid recounts.

In fact, before I launch into some inane irrelevant to my personal life ramblings - allow me to gripe about my romantic life.
Its SEVERELY LACKING!

Someone DATE ME NOW!

((clears throat)) A-hem ...
---

GuyWatch

Always my idol, Wang Lee Hom.
This is this month honorary mention. Oh yea, its from his latest album. Way Mucho Uber Cuteness!

I've been noticing more of Westlife's Nicky.
Really ... I have!

I don't normally - ok, so I don't like boybands and the follow-up growth spurts they go through but I seem to be noticing more and more of this relatively 'less-popular' member of Westlife.
I absolutely adore his 'ruffed' up look. Kinda scruffy and absolutely delicious!
Aurrrrgh! *rowr! He ain't no pretty boy!

In fact, as the rest of the band starts showing the reality of aging, Nicky is growing into his sense of manly yumminess! Well, there's Mark of course whose gay gene keep his eternally twinkie (I mean young of course!).
Oh yea, I like him in his short scruffy hair.
NOT the long locks, clean shaven look! So not the man!
Check him out if you havent in the new Vids!
You Raise Me Up: (October 2005)
When You Tell Me That You Love Me: (December 2005)

---
Drama

So I'm getting a handle on things, somewhat. Besides having to face the fact I can't go about doing everything I want and having already accepted the fact, I'll never have anything I want - I'm decidedly or much to my chagrin, complacently moderated. I would say content but that means a certain flat standard of murky happiness. I'm not even breaking surface.

Maybe I do need more drama?
Is that what most gay guys crave anyways? :/

Maybe I should take pointers from QAF. I sitll havent seen anything from that television series but I hear a lot about it from the gayvine. *ponders ...

The New Year Begins

2006-01-03T11:29:00.000+08:00

2006: I will now use a new format to better organize my ramblings.

Work
Its has slowed down a bit. No complaints really. But it should pick up again closer to Chinese New year in approximately a weeks time. Then after that, it'll die down again. Ar least for the designing portion, coz there's lots of events and launches lined up after Chinese New year - sigh.

Gym
Hopefully getting consistent with my attendance. If nothing else I SHOULD be going at least 3 times a week, come hell and high snow! I really want to see some changes in my body before it betrays me inevitably.
On the other hand, I really really would like a workout buddy and someone to go with me (mutual support is a fantastic motivator).

E.Q
Feeling really depressed and angry at the same time, the simmering sort of angry. I know I shouldn't and its in the past - it should SO be behind me. But I I can't help feeling just a little pissed and sad finding out that my ex was dating someone right after (or during - if not was waiting to date someone), the minute we broke up. :( I could try and get the whole story but that'll just be digging up stuff unecessary, I should really really really move on.
But at the very least I'm happy that he's Happier than he was with me. After all, he meant no offense by mentioning to me he's a lot happier with his new guy than he was with me. None at all ...

Death
My Aunt (Fathers side) passed away just a couple of hours ago.
There's been a lot more deaths and funerals I've been acquainted to in the last few years. But thats life I suppose, though it seems not to bode well for the rest of the year. Its getting way too familiar. Once to twice a year can be taxing for the soul.
Not a good way to start of the new year.

Romance
Little of it, much less in severe withdrawal.
Had 2 horrible - technically ONE horrible date. The other one was a botched attempt at a semblance of a date.

On the other hand, I had a real nice time meeting up impromptu with this guy in USJ a couple of nights ago. Nice guy, lives in USJ as well. :D Yea! Also planning to meet up with my ex's current work colleague (grinz).
Been trying to call up some contacts from the rest of the year but my timing stinks and I can't seem to catch them and them me on a free day / night.
Its all rather ... messed up in a manner unbecoming of worth.

Wishes
All the best for Adjay on finding a KICK ASS job this coming year - to Dann, that his stint in Azizul plays out to be a might profitable one, Vince, another year of domestic bliss with Brian. Priya - EMAIL! and dish out the details of the many things and events you keep hinting about! Yes, I use email now!
Boon Ying - Get a better paying job than yer DTP stint, ya deserve it, all the best!

Reading between the Holidays

2005-12-30T13:01:00.000+08:00

So lets say I did something meaningful this year.
That'll be too much to cover of course.
Or too little.

So I'll settle for the time period between the holidays.
Specifically X-Mas and New Years (or Chinese New year: dog)

---
It was pleasant enough.
As it happens this is the kind of week most enjoy. The Xmas weekend makes the following Monday a holiday (Boxing Day) and exactly one weekend later its New Years which allows another Monday holidays. So there's this dearth of a period between the two celebrations.

I spent the Thursday (22) having a nice meal with old friends from years back - 1997. Yea, old friends who through the years have erratically stayed in touch. Shout out- SWEE CHIN & MUN CHOY! The food was kinda bad, its was a Thai restaurant called Sol (or Soi) in Pan Global Hotel. It really wasn't great so say the least. Perhaps lackluster and the service left something to be desired. Without going into details, the ambience is 'pretty, the mood disappointing but the company fantastic and reminiscent.

Something about old friends which automatically revert EVERYONE at the table back to their early college days. I mean, there actually is some visible effort to update on whats happening currently to each other (on a deeper level and not conversationally) through the rampant hilarity and nostalgia and new snide commentary and snerks. But it gets there. The jibing never ends of course.

Fri (23) night was spent having dinner with family and thne short - well, not so short gaming cybercafe session with my cybercafe 'kaki', ex-college mates and co-conspirators in the advertising world friends ADJAY & DANN! Played till dawn, at least when the soft glow of dawn appeared. which leads us into ...

SAT (24), on Chistmas Eve. There was a short game, realy short coz half my players had other appointments to keep for the rest of the evening - dinner plans. But the remainder deicede to gallavant about the township and just ... hang. Seems to be a recurring them don't it :D Our other DM was off tour-guiding in Korea. Hope he brings back lotsa of pictures of cute Korean guys, preferably ones he hasn't slept with. :p
At least I got my character creation process running!
ADJAY had a birthday (kinda) STEAMBOAT dinner at Sunway (Yu-en Rest.). Unfortunately I was late, so I missed most of the food. Was sending my RPG players back to their respective homes. Damansara and then Puchong then backtracking to Subang then off to the steamboat at Sunway. (phew ...)
But this allowed a short opportunity to try and reconnect.
I met Boon Ying, and though I've met her several times before at Dann's steamboat (same place) birthday dinner - I got a chance to sit and chat with her. Well, in her car as she was sending me to my parked car. Sat for quite a while catching up and chatting. Felt nice to reconnect with an old friend.

CHRISTMAS SUNDAY! This was spent mostly with another friend, Yee Von who was gracious enough to allow the 3 of us to hangout at her pace and just ... hang. Games and stuff, and something different for my weekend of course. Yee Von is a friend of Adjay and Dann's whom I've recenly gotten acquainted with personally though I'm pretty sure we shared a number of friends in common. Its one of those degrees of separation things I suppose.
I've lured he back in RPG though. How Evil of me. White Wolf no less.

Monday, me hung about at home.

The rest of the week till now was ... semi work.

GYM:
Because of the hiatus I took (about a month)- I really want to get back onto the swing of exercising at the gym regularly. I see some changes though like most, (I guess) I want to shrink my tummy to a falt scoreboard of rippled abs and of course a chest thats NOT the same circumference as the waist.

I have my motivations, however weak of course.
but they're there, somewhat intact and ... chuggin along.

As for the rest of the week (hours anwyays) leading up to New Years.
its random and hopefully fun spontaneity.
Hopefuly.
No plans so far.

*fingers crossed for something meaningful and/or fun.

Sidenote: I bumped into Esquire at the gym, he's looking good of course, between his studies and going to the fym everyday he really is starting to shape up to something he can admire. I just hope his new path or perspective on himself and life doesnt change his relationships and friendships .... who am I kidding, of course it will.
Just hoping its doesn;t invilve cutting his RPG friends/company out.
I invited him to rejoin our group. Mostly our of courtesy and to see if he really wants to partake in our company once agan. I fear I've lost another friend to 'evolution' - as they go through stages of friends until they stick to something that becomes a life pattern, be it everchanging or not. Am I making sense here?

---
RESOLUTIONS
1 Get into shape, at least one I like. Preferably a body like Mark Wahlberg. YES!
2 Continue to reconnect with old friends
3 Be nicer in general
4 Find someone to care for romantically (isn't it always ...)
5 Empahsis on the above
6 Go on more DATES! I went on only ... uhmm well technically 2 this year. -ONLY-
7 Regain my fabulous self
8 Get a new image (I hope)
9 Find some way to reconcile my love for art, design, music and acting and MAKE MONEY OFF IT!

Blogging Again.

2005-12-19T14:31:00.000+08:00

Long story short.
Sypnosisistic if you will.
---

I'm feeling more single than ever (romantically) - trying to realize that some relationships were doomed deom thje start regardless and I can only do so many things, and not all right for my partner.
When things were starting to look beter at home, it really doesn't. Closed doors and unspoken resentment and all those yummy family complications rolled up int oa ball of redefining relaitonships, caught between parent and child to adult and adult.

I'm also sexually frustrated having been denied a chance at some hanky panky at a party recently.

But a shout-out! :
THANKS FOR THE PARTY MARC!
Its always a pleasure to attend you birthdays/annual party of the year events!
Now ifs time to do your duty and set me up with may of you cute --> hunky --- > attractive friends and acquaintances!

Ok, I think I'm done for the day.

Maybe pictures next time. Maybe.

Another one falls ...

2005-12-19T14:16:00.000+08:00

For me For me!

He's single again!

Woot!

Too badm he's nowhere living close to me geographically. I'll have to find some other way to console the poor sod :(

-sighs and swoons-

Morita Days

2005-11-29T16:35:00.000+08:00

Pat Morita passed on.

"
LOS ANGELES: Noriyuki "Pat" Morita , the Japanese-American actor who gained fame as the wise Mr. Miyagi in the ‘Karate Kid’ movies and on the television show ‘Happy Days, has died in Las Vegas at the age of 73.

The 73-year-old died at his home in Las Vegas on Thursday of natural causes, his wife Evelyn said.

Born in California to immigrant fruit pickers, he was among the thousands of Japanese-Americans sent to internment camps during World War II.

Morita, who began his career as a comic, rose to fame in TV's Happy Days.
*
Taken from various webnews sites.

I suppose more people from my younger days; actors, singers and idols alike are beginning to show signs of mortality. Change, is up once again, more prominently as age begins to dawn a heavy realizing burden on you.

Take care in spirit, my stars of youth going by.

---------------------------------------------------------------
NOTE: World AIDS day. DEC 1 ((sidebar)) ---------------------------------------------------------------
*

Worldly Concerns and Men

2005-11-25T17:34:00.000+08:00

First off: Happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate it.

Now ...
[QUOTE]LOS ANGELES : Pop princess Jessica Simpson and former "98 Degrees" singer Nick Lachey have split up after a three-year marriage that was chronicled on an MTV hit reality show.
"After three years of marriage, and careful thought and consideration, we have decided to part ways," the couple said in a joint statement published on Teen People magazine's website Thursday. ...
.. Simpson, 25, who starred in the film adaptation of the television series "The Dukes of Hazzard," met Lachey, 32, at a Christmas parade in 1998. They spent their third wedding anniversary, on October 26, (2005) apart, according to Teen People. [/QUOTE]

WOOHOO! Yes Yes Yes.

The celebrities of which I got (mildly) devastated over because they got married are slowly becoming single O.o
This is good news. I have a better chance of getting struck by lightning 47 times in a freak flash flood in the Gobi desert, but its still a possibility I might sleep with them right :D Nick Lachey & Brad Pitt

Dean Cain is next on my list. Muahahaha.

Other possibles: Antonio Sabato Jr. There are myriad others but these are of course the top of my list.

---------------------------------------------------------------
NOTE: World AIDS day. DEC 1 ((sidebar)) ---------------------------------------------------------------
*

PreOccupado

2005-11-23T17:19:00.000+08:00

I have been playing around too much with my new phone :( NOKIA 3120

There's something about new toys and gadgets. Thank goodness, I don't have those little mini phone cams or I'd never let go of the cell.

I'm currently considering new wallpaper for it. I got quite anumber of designers, illustrator designs and works I want to feature.

I'll surprise myself ;D

So far on my list: Jasper Goodall, Jason Brooks, Ismael Alvarez, Patrick Fillion, Joe Phillips, Glen Hanson
So much choices ... so few wallpapers.

How to Bend Over (An Illustration)

2005-11-18T16:30:00.000+08:00

Ah, little to report today so.

Just for fun:
If you need to have someone to "bend over and go fornicate with youself", then I've provided a very fancy illustration for you to refer to them.
In case they have trouble visualizing it.

I think it provides excellent visual instructional aid on how to prepare yourself to F-Yourself, don't you?

An exercise in futility?

2005-11-17T10:58:00.000+08:00

Why do I even have a blog? I'm not entirely certain.

I mean, who acutally come in here to this part of webspace and read this. So I understand that blogging is a very public way of sharing information and updates on your life, perspective and stuff with friends. family and often strangers. It a contact to those you know and a link to keep them informed as well as be 'famous' far and large by the public surfing community.

Where do I fall in ?

For me, the only measure is the commentary (or lack thereof) to indicate whethis this blog acutally has a open purpose. If its lacking, then is there something not 'working' properly with my blog. Those placer ads for Blogging and Online Jounals lie then.

I do NOT connect to friends and family and keep them informed with the blog. I am NOT connected to any like-minded community at large.

I should sue the web.

By the way, ( I said to myself), I should put a 'Rate this hottie' thingie on the side every week. No?

Pill Hearts

2005-11-16T12:34:00.000+08:00

Its at a point where things are getting weird emotionally for me.

Up and down weird, and sometimes sideways.

Work is work, there is no argument there. It does limit my time. I do try and keep up with whatever interest I was vigilant to before all this but I find them a little lacking behind. Now I got to find new ones to best suit my new times and priorities witout sacrifcing too much of my previous pastimes.

Emotionally, with deaths and a book due; I'm not sure how competent I am to handle both, much less one. My relationship or lack of it leaves much to be desired. I'm up and at it for one fine duration then like every soda pop drink, it flatlines on me a little while later. Can I blame anybody? The esoteric says I should understand the nature of he universe and its okay to feel the way I feel but there is no one to blame.
But I want to.

I am seeking comfort in some lover's arms, but its seems like the opportunity gets slimmer with time and the choices rarer. This is in part because I feel I cant socialize in the dating circles with the same frequency (if I do go at all), or enthusiasm at all. Must I jaunt from the clubs to the bars, is it necessary to make the social circle of acquaintances to get introductions? My few friends are helpless in keeping me up with the singles crowds having partners of their own.

I'm trying to reestablish older feelings and its hard to relive and rebuilt away from older sustainable problems of the past.

Is the aggravation worth it, I ask and always come back to believing that it is.
I'm a sucker for punishment, eh?

Maybe gratuitious sex will cleanse my mind and purge all thougths of united romantic solidarity.
Help ...

Visitations

2005-11-15T10:45:00.000+08:00

I'll add pictures later because I dont have access to my photo files & scanner at the moment (work).
---

This week so far has had its up and downs.
Some mixed emotions too about feeling upper and downer.

Some ppl made me feel great, other situations brought me down. Why this seemingly mundane 'wave' is significant is because its rarely happened to me. At least not for some time.

But I'll speak generally about the few things which were more significant than others over the last few days.

** Re-establishment with old friends**
((waves to DINA and ABEL))

I did not think I'd meet up with them again. I'm very glad I did.

Dina: Ecstatic to see you working out and about and fancy bumping into you at your place of work at the Gym (Fitness First) in D.J. Uptown.

Abel: I guess the web isn't that small after all. Its really Malaysia. Fancy bumping into your handle and contact hidden somewhere in the recesses of you blog archive through a reponse on Zouk.Abuse

I sincerely hope we can be friends again.
Old friends are hard to come by, harder still to keep in contact.

I'll dig thru my old photo's at home to post up their pics. I just have to now, dude!

--

CHECK OUT the new SHOUBOX | TAGBOX! and some rearrangement of links and additions on the sidebars!

---

2005-11-15T09:50:00.000+08:00

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

NanoHeado!

2005-11-10T12:36:00.000+08:00

Argh!

It is tough to try and see if I can match the 50,000 words.
I guessed more experienced writers could but I am not an experienced writer.

I've barely written anything over 2000 words before. And my RPG campaigns do not count.

My EpochNano Story

((sigh)) good luck to me!

Oh the headaches!

My NanoWriMo story

2005-11-07T19:27:00.000+08:00

Okay, so it doesnt have a title yet but ...

goto:

EpochaNano

In memory of Art and Fantasy

2005-11-04T13:34:00.000+08:00

Keith Arlin Parkinson October 22, 1958 - October 26, 2005
Battling Leukemia; before his 47th.

I will always remember this great fatnasy illustrator. One of the first to entrance me to fantasy, his art graced some of my earliest fantsy cover books. His keen eye for detail and composition humbled my own little space. His work and imagery was distinct and kept me looking forward to the next TSR installment (or at least the ones i could get my hands on!).

Keith Parkinsons Official Site
Short History of Career
In Memory: Dark Sword Miniatures Inc.
Gaming Report

Greater than titans, he was a Dragon of legend.
I will remember.

Muse of Dark and Light

2005-10-25T18:18:00.000+08:00

---

So like this was both unexpected (light) and expected (dark).

About time for Jordis, remarkable that’s it wasn’t’ any sooner. Or maybe it was!

As for Federov, I guess …. He stills go on. (wince). I don’t particularly dislike him, he has a really nice buff body (god yumminess *lick lick) but +face didn’t work for me. At least he looks fit enough to be on Fear Factor.

Regardless of my opinion on his personality though, I still wouldn’t kick him out of bed in the morning.

Jordis is haunting and captivating, one of my favourites next to wild charismatic JD Fortune and hot, brilliant MiG Ayesa. (Rockstar INXS)

Excerp:

The Federov Tale
In February, watch Fear Factor on NBC! (Anthony Federov will be participating).

The Epic Jordis
Rockdetector.com is reporting that "Rock Star: INXS" finalist Jordis Unga, girlfriend of AMERICAN HEAD CHARGE guitarist Karma Cheema and former LIARS CLUB singer, has apparently, after much speculation, signed to Epic Records.

Reiterating the Mundane

2005-10-25T14:28:00.000+08:00

So there's a post like this all across the globe. And I do mean the one we inhabit; not golden, snow or boston.

So I'll try and keep this short. I cannot promise painless. We feel pain for a reason, mostly for the sick and perverse pleasure of knowing we can inflict it.

There is quite a bit of work to do, and yet work moves a little slow. The hamster wheel spins less and less as the hyperactive hamster learns to read the TV guide under its cage.

But here I am, metaphorically slaving away for what little cash I get paid for at the end of the month. It basically supports what meagre lifestyle I possess.

(sigh).

Here's a pretty picure to look at. Yes, I took this piece at night in KL Sentral. Ta da ...

Review, Life and the Consequence.

2005-10-24T15:46:00.000+08:00

DOOM the movie.

This will be a really short commentary. It’s not great, probably good when in the right mood. The beginning was paced so slowly to build suspense. However when you know what the premise of the movie is then all the suspense built to the shock horror feels dragged out rather than tense and organic. The comedy is quite terse and out of place.

On the whole, I only really enjoyed the last 15 minutes or so, which was what I expected really out of the movie. At least I learn one thing from the movie. Any single character with any sort of back story (whether relevant or necessary to the movie) usually means they’ll survive any onslaught that’s thrown at them.

At least I got to see a new yummy asian actor, Yao Chin. (2nd form the right) Note: Not the best picture of him. He is SO much hotter in motion.
Here’s a screencap, he’s the (d’oh) asian guy there. Oh yea, it was a real treat to see hottie “Eomer” there too :D

---

Must buy new shoes. I have a tendency to buy one pair and use it till it falls apart at the segments. I love sneaker but how come the ones I really love are all so terribly expensive. I’m such shoe-o-holic. Except I can’t afford to indulge in it, so many I’m a wanna-shor-o-holic. Too bad I spend too much on my computer games and MMORPG’s.

Consequence: I didn’t sleep this weekend. Trying to fill my limited weekend time up, I ended up with a sleepless weekend. When I awoke on Saturday noon, I rushed up to get to the Subang, ss15 Drive-through Mickey Ds. I was running a little late for my Role-playing game (Call of Chtulhu), while trying to formulate the next game I plan to run sometime next month or two later. That segwayed into dinner and a movie (DOOM). I got a call that evening to reschedule a night appointment for a movie on Sunday morning (next day).

So I decided on making some impromptu plans with friends around the area. It turned out to be an all night affair at the cybercafé playing games. Its 9 am in the morning and I decide it’s not worth going back to sleep at home and wit out the next hour to meet my friend. He booked us tickets to watch … DOOM. I can barely stay awake but I do.

It actually a slightly better the second time around when you’re halfway conscious and not really paying attention to anything in the movie. After that it lead to the evening where I finally got home, and yet I still did not lay my head for rest. I finished some household chores and stuff and had my obligatory weekend MMORPG fix and slept at my usual daily time of 2.00 -3.30 am.
I’m going to go insane one of these days, if not moreso than I am now. And that all I’m going to recount. And no, I did now have sex like I intended to with anyone this weekend.

Why I mention this, is because I’m willing to admit that I do think about sex very often (research says the average for a male person is about, every 7 second interval or was it 11?) And will gladly admit to such thought in public.

After all, I seem to be in NO danger of fulfilling it

At the twiddle of my fingers ...

2005-10-21T14:50:00.000+08:00

National Novel Writing Month http://www.nanowrimo.org/ For you budding novelists who just cant get started, there's a contest
just for you :D

Here's some excerp: by the way, I WILL be participating in this :D Just
gotta write it WHILE at work! Well not everything at work, I mean I actually have to work and stuff. National Novel Writing Month is a fun, seat-of-your-pants approach to novel writing. Participants begin writing November 1. The goal is to write a 175-page (50,000-word) novel by midnight, November 30. Valuing enthusiasm and perseverance over painstaking craft, NaNoWriMo is a novel-writing program for everyone who has thought fleetingly about writing a novel but has been scared away by the time and effort involved. Because of the limited writing window, the ONLY thing that matters in NaNoWriMo is output. It's all about quantity, not quality. The kamikaze approach forces you to lower your expectations, take risks, and write on the fly. Make no mistake: You will be writing a lot of crap. And that's a good thing. By forcing yourself to write so intensely, you are giving yourself permission to make mistakes. To forgo the endless tweaking and editing and just create. To build without tearing down. As you spend November writing, you can draw comfort from the fact that, all around the world, other National Novel Writing Month participants are going through the same joys and sorrows of producing the Great Frantic Novel. Wrimos meet throughout the month to offer encouragement, commiseration, and -- when the thing is done -- the kind of raucous celebrations that tend to frighten animals and small children. In 2004, we had over 42,000 participants. Nearly 6000 of them crossed the 50k finish line by the midnight deadline, entering into the annals of NaNoWriMo superstardom forever. They started the month as auto mechanics, out-of-work actors, and middle school English teachers. They walked away novelists

Friends & Fiends

2005-10-20T12:15:00.000+08:00

---

Friends

Query: When do I stop?

Its only natural, some say evolutionary to culture and self growth and awareness. Ohers are would say "Shit Happens". I think the overall philosophy is to just learn to live with it and let go.
Living with it, I'm okay.
Letting go, I need work.

Not so much fiends but relegated back to acquaintances and strangers (tres harsh).

So how much do I try "To want a Friend, Be a Friend"? Maybe I'm not so good at subtle hints. Maybe lack of communication isn't necessarily accidental.

I understand life and circumstance changes priorities, friendships and schedules. But I try to make time nonetheless I feel are central to my life at the moment. So when fewer and fewer respond, do I take it as a sign to move on? I being melodramatic I know. The little voice in my mind still tells me to go ahead and attempt to reconnect with people who've apparently moved on from me.

Bah!, I think I've probably just answered my own question.
I'll have just let them be. If they contact me in return, great; if not, sucks to be me.

Now if only I could satisfy this annoying frustration with sex.
Any takers?

---

Blog Booms and Ego Envy

2005-10-20T10:47:00.000+08:00

---

Blogs are booming everywhere. The installation of privacy has now gone public. Air you rants and live for the next click, browse, comment and reply. Insidious, no?
And here I am, regaling in the comforts of this new 'recruitment'.

Will it compete for attention amongst the millions of others out there ...
I do not know, I've never keen on competition though I have accounts that say otherwise. The intention is was never about competition but the road to Heck is paved with Every Intention.

---

Ego Envy.
What an interesting and common notion.
So hear my confession.

"I've never been ambitious, at least enver quite as my peers in my history. But I've had a fair notion of jealousy and envy. Its all good in the end and I'm genuinely glad the people who'd made it, have ... well, made it. I'm pretty sure they work damn well hard for it too.
But a part of my mind wonders if its really all about luck and the right combination of looks and cultural requirements'. Luck, is inferred to timing.

Its begins with those low-esteem-ish like queries. Maybe we've all had them at different points of our lives, year, weeks or day. Aren't I good enough? Application: Universal from relationships to careers. But its ranges from "What's wrong with me?" to "What's wrong with them?"

Case in point:
Adam Carruthers (8tv, Hitz Radio DJ) and William Quah (post VJ, TV Host) (Malaysian Celebrities under 22) (Note: Not a BASH)

They have the look that television requires, (I guess I dont *wails), they fulfill the pan-asian facade (well, I'm in the shitters there too), they speak with an acquired ... accent which seems to give the impression of well spoken English (and yes, they are well spoken and have a great command of the english language). Well, la dee la.
Curse their genes, timing, connections and good luck.

In all probability, their auditions went well, their headshots were impressive, they didn't choke on camera, they looked great on screen (and real life, it never hurts in real life), they sound great (some might say utterly schem-xy) and they are young and ambitious.

I'm torn between hating them for their good fortune (they work hard I reiterate but it wouldn't have been so without a measure of the right timing and people), wondering why I couldn't do the same thing and wanting to sleep with them. :/ "

---

I sound bitter and horny.

I'm not above being bitter and horny. I will admit.I do have litte to no ambition whatsoever, but I wouldn't trade in whatever history I've had (though its nice to wonder). Its different, probably not as glamourous (this would include the hassle of being a celebrity coz glam is spam), but it'll do. Like the pig in the farm, it'll do.

It'll do.

Resurrection

2005-10-20T10:07:00.000+08:00

This is a test, moreso a preview.

Between hoping it works and that there will one day be a massive worship of my musings, I really kinda hope this posts.