Pill Hearts

Its at a point where things are getting weird emotionally for me.

Up and down weird, and sometimes sideways.

Work is work, there is no argument there. It does limit my time. I do try and keep up with whatever interest I was vigilant to before all this but I find them a little lacking behind. Now I got to find new ones to best suit my new times and priorities witout sacrifcing too much of my previous pastimes.

Emotionally, with deaths and a book due; I'm not sure how competent I am to handle both, much less one. My relationship or lack of it leaves much to be desired. I'm up and at it for one fine duration then like every soda pop drink, it flatlines on me a little while later. Can I blame anybody? The esoteric says I should understand the nature of he universe and its okay to feel the way I feel but there is no one to blame.
But I want to.

I am seeking comfort in some lover's arms, but its seems like the opportunity gets slimmer with time and the choices rarer. This is in part because I feel I cant socialize in the dating circles with the same frequency (if I do go at all), or enthusiasm at all. Must I jaunt from the clubs to the bars, is it necessary to make the social circle of acquaintances to get introductions? My few friends are helpless in keeping me up with the singles crowds having partners of their own.

I'm trying to reestablish older feelings and its hard to relive and rebuilt away from older sustainable problems of the past.

Is the aggravation worth it, I ask and always come back to believing that it is.
I'm a sucker for punishment, eh?

Maybe gratuitious sex will cleanse my mind and purge all thougths of united romantic solidarity.
Help ...